Term one eulogy
I just came back from one of my friends’ flats, and had myself a deep evening walk. I’ve had the kind of emotions in me today that only an evening walk can help to comprehend. And now, I think I have enough understanding to weave into words.
Tomorrow marks the end of term. A whole bloody term. I’ve been here for months now, yet time has gone by so incredibly quickly. Things have happened that feel so long ago in the past, that they could have happened years ago because of how irrelevant they are at the moment. And it’s super scary, but I suppose that’s just life, right? Passes you by just like that.
My course is going well. I mean I’m not going to lie, today I did have to skip because I was nursing an almighty hangover, and the last time I went to uni hungover I was a liability (I managed to spill a whole bottle of water alllll over the table). I also submitted my first assignment for the year today, writing my bibliography bleary-eyed an hour before the deadline shut. I know I’m going to sound like a nerd, but I cannot wait to get my first proper uni grade. Even if it’s just a pass, I like to know I’m on the right lines. On Monday I filmed some footage for my second big assignment. And you know what? I think I’m getting the hang of it all. I think in the new year I need to sort out my notes, as they’re horrendously disorganised at the moment. But yeah. Apart from nearly having a nervous breakdown about audio editing, it all has been pretty swell.
In terms of people, this is where I struggle most. At the start of the term, people I met that I thought I was going to adore for the whole three years have shown themselves to be everything I thought they weren’t. People manipulating my words, saying I’m not enough for them, or generally just being a bit shit. But I’m glad I’ve got this stuff out the way now, rather than finding out later down the line and it hurting even more. I’ve also met some amazing people, people I never thought I’d click with, but I’m so glad I have. A complete random mix, but they’ve been everything. My best nights, my craziest moments, my memories that I will hold with me.
But to all of these people, I say thank you. Because I’ve learnt so much, good and bad, from you.
How to conclude this rollercoaster of a term though? I was talking to one of my flatmates about whether we’d start this term again. I honestly wish I could be one of those people who are just ‘YOLO’, no regrets. I’m not, however. I’d tweak a lot of things. I’d listen to my gut a hell of a lot more. Because it’s always told me not to do the things I have done, that have landed me in some very hot water indeed.
But. I made it. The end of the term is nearly done. I didn’t drop out. I have managed to navigate the ‘uni life’ ay-okay so far. I’m here in one piece (just about!). And, it’s nearly Christmas. That reminds me, I need to open my advent calendar…