A weight on my shoulders
In this day and age, I think a lot of people struggle with their weight. We live in a world with the instant gratification of fast food. Social media telling us what we should look like; thin, toned, perfection.
It’s so hard when you know there are all these factors making it easy to beat yourself up, and yet they still weigh on you.
This time a year ago, I went on the egg diet, which was basically a week of eating eggs and lettuce and black tea and coffee. I was worried about my weight, and I came out of it feeling skinnier. I then just went a bit overboard with not eating much at all for a few months, and in January I ended up feeling so tired and cranky. I picked up a reduced macaroni and cheese and said: “Sod it.”
Since then I’ve been trying to balance eating well, doing an exercise here and there. But unfortunately, with the run-up to essays and stuff, I’d just get so tired and want something easy and quick. I struggle with my energy levels with being vegetarian.
Then by that point, everyone was posting their ‘bikini bods’ and I’d just end up scrolling through Instagram feeling a bit shit. Its fantastic loads of people have gone to that effort, and it’s great they’re celebrating their success. I’d be doing the same thing if I spent months crafting and toning. But it has really made me examine myself; in a good way because it made me realise I do need to exercise more, but in a bad way as I become overly critical of my appearance.
I was clearing out my closet after I moved the other day, and it was a bit upsetting that I couldn’t fit into an old pair of jeans. I did have to tell myself that I’m still growing and that one pair of jeans isn’t a reason to beat myself up over what I look like.
When taking photos for my blog, I’ll scroll through them and mainly moan about how I don’t look right. If you look at my header image, I uhmed and ahhed for ages about posting it anywhere because I was worried about what I looked like. That isn’t healthy and I’m trying to be more positive because otherwise, I’ll just end up with this warped sense of self that just isn’t realistic.
Even beyond exercise, I still struggle to remember that we are all different people with different body types. It’s pretty much impossible to compare myself to the next person because as well as that we all have completely different lifestyles.
I’m a five foot three girl. I’m naturally a bit curvy, and that’s okay. That’s just the way I’m built. I know it, but I find it hard to remind myself of that. What I need to remember that it’s about finding a balance between healthiness and happiness, mentally and physically.